The STARR
(c) Paul Cooijmans
Revision Sept 1998
The year is 2002. Warfare's going down; conflict is more and more solved the intellectual way: leaders proctoring IQ tests to each other and see who scores highest. In the current friction between Upperland President Mr William F. Clintas and religious leader of Ryeland Sad-Damn'd O'Shin, the latest move's a bizarre riddle bombardment launched by Sad-Damn'd. Our satellite scanners intercepted a hot line errand to the Green House:
"Have I got a lesson in riddles for you, Mr William F.
Clintas, you rotten-to-the-core bigshot, you... see if you finish the STARR:
STratospheric Ability
Riddle Rage, mother of all riddle exams. 'll make your blood boil I promise. Check this out:
1 My first half is opposed to black; my second half passed when urinating. What am I?
2 I'm a pain in the First Ass. My first and last letters also take those positions in a word meaning "male pudendum". Remember me, Mr President?
3 My last three letters, permuted, are the path of light. My other half is paid. I'm a hilarious advocate of elegance's first name.
4 My last five letters are a connection; my first five mean "in common". And a common place I am. One incredible puff keeps haunting.
5 Like the odd man out I conduct a mean satire; only my big feature's three inches lower. I'm of never ending laughter, yet a jerk - ask Mr President!
6 Unlike Pinocchio, I wasn't lying announcing modern technology ages ago; I fought the Lie to the end.
7 Who'd 've said "quatre-vingt-sept" if French, Mr President?
8 The boys in the Pentagon tell you I'm harmless, but count the Commandmends before proceeding Bill! Seen me yet? Carter has.
9 Although my last three letters suggest a snow job, just give me your cigar to know my proper vocation. Who am I?
10 My middle three letters backwards reveal my true nature. You launched one missile too many; if I had my way I'd send you back to the missus in a cardboard box."
Experts are currently decoding these riddles, and if all goes well we'll present the answers here.